Monday Musings | Is Your Best Friend/Significant Other a Reader?

David Nicholls Us Novel Book Cover Book Review Karen One More Page

I don’t think it’ll come as a huge surprise for me to admit that I’ve always felt a certain closeness and comfort towards people who read. It doesn’t matter whether we like reading the same types of books – as long as you like to read, I will feel, deep down, that I get you. (Well, at least part of you.)

I guess, then, it also isn’t surprising that I’ve always been more attracted to men who read. And though I have dated non-readers in the past, I’ve always felt a deeper connection to their reading counterparts.

This made me wonder: do readers tend to date fellow readers? (Or, are we more likely to be close friends with readers?)

I can see both sides to this (though, as mentioned, I’m partial to readers). On one hand, it’s so nice to be able to read “alone together;” on the other hand, it can be very exciting when two very different people become very close. Besides, there’s more to life than reading…right? I have definitely formed strong bonds over other common interests, so perhaps having friends who read are just big bonuses.

What do you think? Is your significant other or best friend a reader?Β If they aren’t readers, do you wish they would read more?

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34 thoughts on “Monday Musings | Is Your Best Friend/Significant Other a Reader?

  1. joyousreads says:

    Ha. I wish he were. The only publication he’d read are blogs about sports. It would certainly make it easier for him to understand why I’d rather he not turn the tv on while I’m reading. Or why I need to visit the bookstore almost every Tuesday.

  2. jjoongie says:

    no S.O. here, but i always find it easiest to connect with fellow readers. most of my friend group here in nyc is made up readers (and/or artists), and it’s one of the things i cherish so much about my life here. part of it is a result of having felt so intensely lonely when i was still in LA because i wasn’t able to share my love of books with a lot of people (most of my friend group out there aren’t big readers), but, after moving out to nyc, i had to start over and books were the bridge that forged many a wonderful friendship. (:

    for me, i think it’s mostly about being able to share a love for books — that means a lot to me, and i do look for that connection in my relationships.

    • Karen @ One More Page... says:

      I love meeting book lovers because there’s always something to talk about (even if you’re meeting for the first time). “What are you reading now?” is the perfect start to any conversation in my books! πŸ˜‰

  3. Alice says:

    All my friends read, to varying degrees (for what ever reason). None at quite the same level as me, which in a way I like. I have blogging friends to fulfil that need.

    I would definitely need to date someone who read, it could be as much as a book a month, but a love of reading and seeing reading as a priority enjoyment is a must.

    • Karen @ One More Page... says:

      I agree with you that my blogging friends fulfill my need to have reader friends! Even though I know some avid readers (the perks of studying English for 4 years), it’s definitely not a huge deal if my friends don’t read as much as I do.

      It’s nice to date someone who “gets it”!

  4. wanderlustbooksandtea says:

    My husband reads occasionally. He’ll read a few books a year, but nothing compared to me. It doesn’t affect our relationship, though, because he respects my need to read. He has no problem going to the bookstore/library and just wandering with me. Some of my favourite times are when we read beside each other on the couch/in bed, but it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t read more.

  5. Naomi says:

    Most of my friends like to read, but I don’t think that’s what made us friends to begin with, although it might have brought us even closer. Having children in common is another huge way to bond with someone. Between the two, there is plenty to talk about.
    My husband is not a big reader, but he has other things that he likes to do, and is happy that I like to read. Sometimes I wish that he read more, but most of the time, I don’t even think about it.

  6. TJ @ MyBookStrings says:

    My husband is not a reader, but thankfully, I “get” everything else that he is. πŸ™‚ He is a visual learner, so he likes to watch documentaries. We have the best discussions about events that he saw a documentary about and I read a book about. Sometimes I wish he’d read a little more and he wishes I’d read a little less, but overall, we’re making it work pretty well.

  7. The Paperback Princess says:

    My husband (still get a thrill from saying that) likes to read occasionally. For an occasional reader he sure has high standards though. Things really need to line up for him to sit and actually read a book. But like Wanderlustbooksandtea, mine also has no issue wandering around libraries or bookstores and happily gives up time on vacation to peruse the books on offer in other locations. He barely even complains when he has to move all my treasure to a new place!

    A lot of my friends are readers and that’s been a really great way to strengthen friendships or even make new ones. It’s a great commonality to be able to discuss, rather than falling back on the weather.

    It’s not a deal breaker if someone doesn’t read but a happy bonus if they do! Although I will admit to rolling my eyes HARD if someone proudly proclaims that they don’t read. And I probably mutter something about idiots too…

    • Karen @ One More Page... says:

      Hahahaha! It’s so strange to me when people are proud that they don’t read, as if reading was something to be judged for?! Ugh – the weather convo is the worst, but necessary in some situations. (So glad that I never have to bring up the weather with my blogging buddies πŸ˜‰ )

      • The Paperback Princess says:

        You know in Vancouver the weather is ALWAYS up for discussion! In case you’re wondering, today it’s overcast, quite chilly this morning but will probably be a gloriously sunny afternoon.

  8. Leah says:

    I have had very few reader friends in my life, and my boyfriend isn’t much of a reader. (However, he has started reading more in the last few months, and now we usually read together before bed, which I LOVE.)

  9. thebookmagpie says:

    One of the early bonding moments in my relationship with my boyfriend – well, just before we were going out – was him coming into my room in halls at Uni, spotting Smalls Gods by Terry Pratchett on the shelf, and immediately launching into a conversation about how amazing TP is. I totally knew I was smitten then πŸ™‚

    He doesn’t read quite as much as I do, or really get involved in the bookternet, but we have loads of conversations about books and he definitely has a lot of insights about literature that I would never have.

    With regard to my friends, I don’t really do book talk with any of them except my best friend, and even then we only have a limited area in which we share bookish taste (YA, mostly contemporary but some speculative also). That’s what I love about the bookternet – getting to talk to a variety of likeminded people.

    • Karen @ One More Page... says:

      Yes – that’s what I love about the bookternet too, especially since I’m an extrovert. I just love talking to people all of the time, and it seems like there’s always someone up for a conversation here! Your story about your boyfriend and Terry Pratchett is adorable. It’s so magical when things like that happen! *Sigh*

  10. Shery Alexander Heinis says:

    My husband is definitely a reader, although our tastes diverge many times. And although I write poetry, he’s not much into poetry, although he does encourage my writing. I think it is definitely easier to be with someone who shares a love for reading.

  11. KatieMcD says:

    My hubs is a sporadic reader… he read a lot for awhile, and now hasn’t been into it at all for over a year. Sometimes it’s really hard when I read I book I know he’d like, but I can’t get him to commit to it. He isn’t at all bothered by my reading though, and completely understands that need in my life. I love when he’s watching sports, and I’m on the couch next to him reading…. PERFECTION.

    • M | BACKLIST BOOKS says:

      I do that too! Or when he’s watching a TV show I’m not into but I want to hang out. I grew up in a reading family, so sitting in a room with one or more people and reading separately feels like home to me. TV/reading combo is pretty close!

    • Karen @ One More Page... says:

      I took a break from reading for almost a year after university, so I definitely get not reading as much. That does sound like the perfect set up – that way you can both be together while doing something you’re passionate about!

  12. Incessant Bookworm says:

    I’ve thought the same thing! I love the idea of me and my partner being ok just sititng/laying in bed reading – a kind of comfortable silence πŸ™‚
    I’d say in my friend group, I tend to gravitate towards readers – some good creativity and imaginations come from them that I appreciate!

  13. cricketmuse says:

    My very significant hubs is a reader–but only non-fiction. In our 30+ plus years together I’ve never seen him read a novel. Manuals, historicals, how-tos, magazines–yes. We are the Jack Sprat duo for sure.

  14. M | BACKLIST BOOKS says:

    I have friends who are both readers and non – in fact, part of what pushed me into the online book world was a desire to find other readers with whom I could discuss the books I was interested in, whether they’re YA, fiction, new releases, backlist. I have found that all of you guys fill a void in my life and actually make it easier for me to be okay with not having as many readers in my immediate life as I’d like. That said, most people in my life do read, even if not the way I read. My parents are both HUGE readers, and I grew up in a house full of books. I am now able to exchange recommendations and thoughts on books with both of them, which is something I value. My husband, while not a reader to the extent I am, always has a book on the go, and there’s a lot of overlap in what we read. This is great, because there’s often the opportunity for me to recommend books to him and for us to discuss books as he reads them. So I do value readers in my life, but I have room for non-readers as well, as long as there’s some common ground somewhere! (I also love movies and TV, drinking, hockey, some crafts, animals, tea… lots of stuff.) Interesting post, it’s definitely got me thinking!

    • Karen @ One More Page... says:

      I love love love discussing books in real life, whether it’s with my friends or boyfriend. It’s so interesting to get a glimpse of the innerworkings of someone’s mind! I agree that the online book community has filled a huge void – something I’m extremely grateful for! I wish I had more family members to share book recs with, but I have pretty different reading tastes compared to my family (as far as I know!).

  15. DoingDewey says:

    Ooh, liking the new look! My fiance doesn’t read much, although he has gotten into audiobooks lately. When we read the same thing, I do enjoy being able to talk about it, but because he supports my reading habit and can be comfortable sitting around each doing our own thing, I don’t mind at all that he has his own hobbies πŸ™‚

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